The Race changes you. I am not the same Erica that I was six months ago.
I perceive things differently than before.
I react to things in a new way.
I bring all things to God for Him to tell me what’s true.
I have a confidence that comes from my authority in Christ instead of from my own pride.
The Race has changed me. And yet my continuous prayer is that I’m not the same Erica today –in month six of the Race– then the Erica I will be at the end of the Race.
I still have a long way to go.
On the Race I have stared into the eyes of the hopeless, the dying, the poor, the young, the old, the broken…
I have done youth ministry, evangelism, refugee assistance and teaching English to name a few.
But for the first half of the Race I somehow related all these experiences to how they’ve affected me.
It was about my growth
and my journey
and my testimony
and my challenges
and my spiritual encounters.
It wasn’t until a recent event called the Awakening, where I got to attend a World Race conference joining multiple squads on the field in the region for worship and teachings, that the gravity of my motivations were revealed.
A speaker stood in front of the four squads, joined together from different routes that span across the globe, to tell us about what a Kingdom mindset truly means.
I began to ask myself:
Why did I join the World Race?
Was it to serve God?
Was it to bring His Kingdom to Earth and to spread the gospel?
Was it to bring others to Christ and build the body of the Church?
or was it motivated by my love for travel?
My passion to intimately know and connect with cultures around the globe?
My longing to grow in my own spiritual walk?
My desire to visit places I knew I would probably never visit outside of a mission organization?
Although the latter reasons are not malicious or mal intent –and maybe my reasons were mixed from the former and the latter– I can’t help but think how God care’s more about our hearts than He does our actions.
Proverbs 16:2 says, “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD.” Because the human heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9), we can easily fool ourselves about our own motives. We can pretend that we are choosing certain actions for God or the benefit of others, when in reality there selfish reasons.
But the Lord is “a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).
During the first worship session of Awakening, God showed me how much I’ve changed since day one. He took me through the highlights of my many memories throughout the first half of the Race.
It wasn’t until then that I realized how selfish I’ve been.
The reality is that I came on this trip for me. I came with the intent to grow and change and have knew experiences and have a once-in-a-life-time opportunity to be in a Christian community of young adults my age.
Serving the Lord and His people was a secondary benefactor. I was wrapped up in finally being part of a community of peers on fire for Christ with an organization that facilitated the trip of my dreams.
I lost sight of the real reason God put this calling on my life. It was so much more. He had specific people that He brought into my life to disciple and love and give hope to.
Like Anna and Mark and Emil and Ljubica and Izzy and Tamara and Sara in Serbia.
Like Diana and Ali in Romania.
Like Kaled in the Refugee camp in Greece.
Like Sam in Malaysia.
Like Mr. Max in Thailand.
Like the fifth graders that I taught in Myanmar who all accepted Christ on my last day of class.
These are the people, these are the real reasons WHY I came on the Race. Real people that I got to build friendships with and either introduce to Christ or encourage them in their walk with Him. Real lives being changed.
This weekend my heart shifted its motives. I’m here to serve Christ and bring His Kingdom to Earth first. The byproduct of that is my spiritual growth and experience around the world. Not the other way around.
I’m done being selfish.
I’m ready to be His laborer.
His harvester.
His servant.
I’m ready to put His will first and lay down the desires of my flesh to be able to be a part of His work.
Anything else that comes of it is just the cherry on top.
Erica, this is so true, especially in today’s world-our actions are driven by our selfishness many times-but if we really are truly faithful to God’s word, we will sit still -sometime each day-and just listen to what we should be doing-for Him, not us. But that’s our humanity. And God gets it. Takes some more time in life than others. I ‘m so impressed w/how you “got it” earlier than later! Keep paving that path, sweetie! Your faith and words are powerful.
You have arrived where God wants all of us, day after day! Good and thoughtful insights and words (to put it mildly), Erica! What follows from here? Blessings, Mark
Erica, you amaze me every time I read the amazing person you have become. I always knew that you were special and extremely mature and wise beyond your years but when I read your blog, I am impressed beyond words. Stay on your journey. God bless you XOXO
You are a very wise young woman. Since the creation of the world Satan has pushed the lie… “that we might be like God, knowing good and evil…” And we have had to battle against all the self-centeredness and selfishness that goes with it. One of the greatest challenges I find in my struggle with selfishness, and the cares of life in general, is that it is “so daily”. Bless your days ahead.
Erica, I am so proud of you! You have grown so much and your insights are beautiful! I hope you can come to Apostles of the Eucharist one day and share all you have learned. You are blessing so many lives during the Race and your experiences will bless so many more as you share. We miss you! God bless!
Beautifully written beautifully said; may the eyes of your heart be open even wider…, Proud of you!
Amen! Thank you, Erica. This is awesome. So many racers need this kind of wake-up call from the Lord. Yes, we need ministry, but this life is not about us. If you ever want to start a ministry focused on helping racers get the kind of revelation that you got, let me know and I’ll help you get it going.
Thanks so much Gary!
Thank you so much Seth!
That means so much Valerie! I would love to come and share when I get back!
Thank you so much Darcy! You are an inspiration to so many as well with your positivity through the walk the Lord has given you. I can’t wait to hear about what the Lord has been teaching you in all things. God bless!
I’m thankful for your teachable heart! All too often, we think we’re on the right track (it’s not necessarily the wrong one either) without a teachable heart! So glad for your experiences!