To The Girl Who Hates Being Single

This blog has been on my heart since the middle of my World Race trip. But I never felt like it was the right time to sit down and write it out. So please know that this has been stirring for a while and I’ve just been waiting for God’s prompting to post it. 

 

I’ve had my fair share of relationships. Although I never absolutely hated being single, I was always day dreaming of a relationship or at least I’d much rather have preferred to be in one. I would be “working on me” while evaluating my interactions with guys and thinking ahead about if they’d make a good husband. Eventually I had to tell myself to stop. I’ve been praying for my future husband since I was 18 years old. To this day I frequently stop and pray that he is deepening his relationship with God and focused on the Father’s will for him. But in the meantime, God has been transforming my view on singleness and what a beautiful thing it is.

 

The reason we so desperately search to be in a relationship is because of this deep desire to be fully known and fully loved, unconditionally and eternally.

 

That’s what marriage is, right? A covenant between two people where flesh becomes one and they vow to love each other unconditionally forevermore. This covenant is so holy because it’s a reflection of what our relationship with God should look like. Furthermore, He showed us in a tangible way what that should look like in the parallel of Jesus Christ and the Church.

 

So what exactly does the Bible say singleness should look like and what exactly is it’s true purpose? How do we apply that to our own lives and perspectives?

 

These are the questions I dealt with as my relationship with God blossomed on the Race. 

 

“But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another” says Paul in his letter to the Corinthians (1 Corinth 7:7).

 

God says that “it’s better to stay unmarried” (1 Corinth 7:8). Some might say that its rather absurd that God would prefer everyone to stay single. But it’s the truth. 

 

Now why on Earth would God say that it’s better to be single than to be married? After all, marriage is one of the most sacred and holiest vows we take in our life. 

 

“If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married” (1 Corinth 7:27).

 

Paul advises this because marrying young can “bring many troubles and [he is] trying to spare you those problems” (1 Corinth 7:28).

 

Have you ever looked at singleness as God’s way of sparing you trouble? We think that surely marriage will fill a void that will make us happier than ever before.

 

God is straight up saying “this is for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve [Me] best, with as few distractions as possible” (1 Corinth 7:35).

 

God reveals to us the true purpose of singleness and to be honest, not many of us use it for the way God intended. Even us Christians. 

 

The purpose of singleness is to spend as much of “his/her time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please Him” (1 Corinth 7:32).

 

Otherwise, the married man’s “interests are divided” (1 Corinth 7:33).

 

God’s greatest commandment is to love Him with our whole heart, mind and soul. Then in turn to love others the way He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

 
How can we expect to give our husband our all if we don’t know how to first do that with God?

 

We are to use our singleness to:

 

1. KNOW GOD

He wants us to know His character and have inside jokes with Him. He wants to get to the point where you tell Him everything, even when you’re mad at Him. He desires that you’d still chose Him every single day, even when all circumstances scream otherwise. He wants you to KNOW Him. 

 

2. BUILD CHARACTER

He wants to spend this season building your faith. He wants to increase your knowledge of Him. He wants to turn that knowledge into self control. And from there, steadfastness. And with steadfastness comes godliness and therefore love (2 Peter 1:5-8).

 

3. FIND PURPOSE

We can all know our purpose in life just as Christians. We’ve been given ALL authority in heaven to go, make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that God’s commanded (Matt. 28:16-20). But more specifically, in your singleness God wants to show you the specific ways in your life to fulfill that. 

 

So to the girl who hates being single:

 

God wants to be married to you first. He wants you to get to know Him. He wants to build your character so that when He appoints you for your specific purpose, you are ready for all that comes with God’s calling. He wants to spare you the trouble that comes with marrying young. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but God would actually prefer you stayed single for HIM. He wants to show you what true covenant love looks like first before you mirror that with a God-fearing man. God is jealous for you and I say that in the best way possible. He wants you all for Himself because He’s head over heels in love with you. Know that when it’s time to get married, it will be at a point in your life where your ministry will actually be greater as a married person. Marriage will come at a point where you can magnify the glory of God as a couple. He calls singleness a gift. Turn to the Word to really reflect on God’s purpose for singleness and what He wants to do through you in your singleness. He wants as few distractions as possible so that you can serve Him at full capacity. 

 

Maybe it’s something as small as discipling and investing in your local church.  

 

Maybe it’s something as crazy as the World Race. 

 

 

Your single sister in Christ,

 

Erica