I’m a talker. I tell the “long-version” of all stories. I speak what’s on my mind and I’m well known for that. But the Lord has been stirring something inside me.
It started when I was in Myanmar. I had been battling lies from the Enemy that I am naïve and ignorant. It wasn’t until the Race that I had realized that I’d battled these thoughts nearly all my life.
To combat these lies I wrote down all the things I felt Satan had told me growing up:
“I’m naïve”
“I’m forgetful”
“I’m ignorant”
“I’m stupid”
“I’m gullible”
Well Satan, that’s just not true.
Next to each one of these I wrote down the truth that God tells me in the Bible:
“I’m wise, childlike and trusting”
“I’m mindful”
“I’m competent and knowledgeable”
“I’m intelligent and responsible”
“I’m discerning and perceptive”
Now, did I believe these things as soon as I had written them down? No. Just being honest. It was a good start though. I had become afraid to speak because I didn’t want to say something that would beat the lies further into my head.
That was December.
Fast forward to February. We were doing ministry in Myanmar. I began to ask God to give me wisdom. I didn’t know what that looked like or what kind of change that would be, but I prayed it nonetheless.
Then I began to look up Bible verses about wisdom:
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to you” – James 1:5
“I have counsel and sound wisdom; I have insight; I have strength” –Proverbs 8:14
“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness on her tongue” – Proverbs 31:26
Then just a few days later in my chronological reading of the Old Testament I began to read about how Solomon asked the Lord for wisdom and that He blessed him with wisdom and much more. I smiled knowing that it wasn’t a coincidence the Lord had laid wisdom on my heart and now He was teaching it to me through the Living Word.
Fast forward to now. The Lord began to stir in me about using my words. He wanted to show me how my words can relate to wisdom. These verses began to speak heavily to my heart:
“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person” – Colossians 4:6
“The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin” –Proverbs 13:3
“He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding” – Proverbs 17:27
Okay God.
I hear you.
I get it.
I see what you’re saying here.
Meanwhile, fasting became a big topic of last month. Even though I’ve been able to fast twice now on the Race, I knew the Lord wanted to take me deeper into what fasting could look like.
Fasting for others versus fasting for yourself.
Fasting in secret versus fasting and sharing it with others.
Fasting in other ways besides food and drink.
It was all of this that led me to decide to do a voice fast for two days. I told my team that the only time I’d talk would be to our ministry hosts and during our team time. Other than that I would be silent.
Every time I thought about speaking I’d pray instead. For the words I “needed” to say I would communicate through a game of charades with my teammates (some were better at translating my motions than others haha). I began to realize that a lot of the things I thought of saying just weren’t necessary. They weren’t all wholesome. They weren’t all helpful.
In talking less I thought I would constantly be inside of my mind. But the truth is the less I talked the quieter my mind became. I didn’t have thoughts popping randomly to my mind. I still enjoyed community and bonding with the others without having to contribute to the conversation. I laughed a lot. I spent the majority of my thoughts and prayer to our ministry hosts and to the Parent Visions Trip that starts THIS WEEKEND (only four more days momma!).
It still comes as a surprise to me when the Lord dives deeper and deeper into a subject He’s been showing me for a while. Every time He peels back another layer. Each time I grow closer to Him and who He is.
My fast ends tomorrow but there’s one thing you need to know:
I’m still a talker and I still tell the “long-version” of all stories.
You sure do your research before you dive into action. That was a big step you took not talking for two days but the lesson was worth it. Learning to talk less and listen and pray more is one we could all benefit from. Yes 4 more days and counting so looking forward to being apart of you’re world and meeting your team mates! Love you. Momma.
Godspeed, Gina! I know your reunion w/Erica will be an emotional one! Savor every minute! Absorb all her world has to offer-thennshare it w/us in April!!! Love to you both!????
Erica, thank you for sharing. I enjoy reading your blog. Your experiences inspire me to self-reflect. I celebrated family with your dad on Saturday, he is so proud of you.