God Gives And Takes Away

It’s been 6 months -half a year- since I announced that I would not launch in October. 

It’s incredible how much God has shown me since then. Not launching was a heart-wrenching and confusing time for me. But God showed me how necessary it was for me to stay home. 

The story on my heart that I wish to share -which encapsulates His goodness in delaying my launch on the mission field- begins by stripping me of my most sentimental possession. 

 

 

After coming home from the Race in June I was fundraising to launch in October as a Squad Leader. At this time, my mom was urging me to sell my piano and use the money to help fund my trip. 

This piano has been in our family for seventeen years. At 7 years old I learned piano on a small, cheap keyboard. My parents told me that if I stuck with the lessons and make it through my first recital, they would buy me a real piano knowing that I was committed. And they did.

Just the thought of selling the piano struck a chord in me. It’s more than just a piano. It symbolizes my childhood. Immediately I waved off the thought of considering it. There’s no way I’m ready to give it away.

As the weeks passed by, my mom’s continuous nudge and notions to sell it began to weigh on me.

You know what, she’s right. Why wouldn’t I sell it? I haven’t used it in over 7 years.

I thought of the rich man in Matthew 19:21-22. Jesus told him to sell all his possessions and follow Him to inherit eternal life. But the man walked off downcast because he wasn’t willing to give it up. 

“Lord, You are worth far more than all my possessions. I would be willing to give up my most valued possessions to follow your will for my life,” I told Him.

I seriously contemplated for the first time actually selling my piano and use the money toward my mission trip. 

So I did it. I posted my piano for sale.

Later that same day a friend came over and somehow we ended up at my piano. She started playing Christian songs and we had an impromptu worship session. 

“Haley, I’ve known you for ten years and not once have you ever touched my piano; I didn’t even know you could play!”

I didn’t find that a coincidence.

Maybe God was prompting me to sell my piano to make me realize how much I missed playing it. And more so, that I should pick it back up for worship music. 

Another few days go by and I’m nearly convinced that this was all just a way to ignite my long-extinguished love for playing the piano.

I was about to take the ad down when a mother messaged me. 

She wanted to buy my piano for her 7-year-old daughter, who just started learning.

WOW GOD.

Everything had come full circle. My first piano was at 7-years-old.

I had a peace knowing that this was the family that was suppose to take my piano.

 

Fast forward to October. 

 

I didn’t end up launching on my mission trip, and now my most valued possession was gone. The only thing left was a burning hole in my heart to start playing piano again for worship. 

I became involved at a young adult’s group as this desire was growing in me. A few months into building community an opportunity arose to play at the next worship service. 

Immediately I knew that God was in the works. 

I bought a keyboard and began to practice with my friend, Lauren, who would be leading worship with me. We practiced for hours over the span of weeks.

At one of our final rehearsals I became so overwhelmed because I wasn’t able to keep up with the others. I was a nervous wreck at the thought that I’m too rusty to perform in front of a group of people.

 

Although I took lessons for a decade, it’s been 7 years since I practiced regularly.

I’ve nearly forgotten everything about playing piano.

I’ve never played with other instruments involved.

I’ve never dealt with transitions between songs.

I’ve never switched melody keys on a whim. 

 

I stepped out of practice tearing up with overwhelming frustration. 

 

I’m not good enough for this.

I’m going to mess up.

I can’t learn a new song in a few days.

I can’t switch melody keys like it’s no big deal.

This is too hard.

This is challenging.

I can’t keep up. 

 

I walked back into practice trying with all my might to hold it together.

After practice ended I burst into tears, sharing the fact that I wasn’t ready to take on such a challenge. 

But Lauren reminded me of God’s faithfulness. He put this desire on my heart and gave us this opportunity for a reason. The Lord clearly placed us there to lead people in worship. 

A few days ago the dream that God had placed on my heart finally came to fruition. It was a small worship set of four musicians. I got to perform on keyboard while Lauren played guitar. Despite all my worries and woes, the night proved to be exactly as God intended.

It was a perspective shift.

A dream come true.

God had me sell my piano as a way for me to pick it back up to glorify Him. 

I never imagined He would have me use this talent as a way to praise Him. 

Maybe God is telling you to give up something in your life, only for Him to give it back to you in a way that brings Him the most glory, honor and praise.

 

Here is a picture of my piano that I learned to play on at 7 years old and has been in the family for over 17 years.