The News I Never Wanted

I got some hard news this week. News that has affected the trajectory of my future for the past two years. What you’re about to read is an excerpt straight from my World Race journal. A journal I use to process my feelings, emotions and experiences during this journey. To give you some background on the subject here is a little bit about what led me to this entry:

The summer of 2016 I spent months studying and preparing to take the GRE, an entrance standardized test for most master’s programs. I also spent countless weeks working with my university advisor on the rigorous essays required for the Fulbright scholarship. I was determined to get my master’s in Madrid, Spain through this program. A Fulbright is a national, competitive scholarship that grants a full ride to receive your masters abroad, teach English abroad or do research abroad. At the end of that summer I submitted my application, eager in anticipation to hear back in January. 

Well January 2017 came around and I wasn’t selected for the program. I cried, upset and unsure of why God closed a door I was so sure He set in my path. But just a few days later I learned about the World Race, which launched in the same month that I would have left for Madrid if I had won the scholarship. I was sure that God had closed the Fulbright door as a “not now” instead of a “never.”

Fast forward to this summer. While I was fundraising $18,000 for the World Race I decided to also reapply for the Fulbright. I thought I would do the World Race August 2017 to June 2018 and then Fulbright to Madrid 2018 to 2019. Great! My life is planned out for the next few years, just the way I like it. 

One thing you need to know is that I had to also apply to the university, separately from the Fulbright Scholarship.

Fast forward to this week. I had officially submitted both my applications and have just been waiting to hear back about my interview with the university.

Here is my journal entry:

Tuesday, January 9, 2018 | Hakha, Myanmar

“I woke up at 6am this morning wide awake. I checked my phone and noticed a mail notification with a preview from IE school in Madrid. Just the other day I sent in my GRE scores because they had been left out of my application. It had been less than 48 hours and I got a reply saying that my scores “are not entirely adjusted to the requirements that we look for to ensure success in the program.” They said I’d need to take the ieGAT test to proceed with my application, which is yet another standardized test that I’d have to sit in on.

Well being that I’m on an 11-month mission trip around the world, that’s just not possible. I get when God is trying to make a point. This was the answer that I’d been working toward for TWO YEARS. Days upon weeks upon months of free time dedicated to these applications and no matter how hard I worked and slaved over those essays… I get denied over standardized test scored. Nothing else seemed to matter. I’m sure in that time they haven’t even fully reviewed the rest of my application.

No, I’m not the best test taker. But my test scores sure as hell aren’t going to “ensure” that I’m successful in the program. As upset as I’d imagined I’d be, I was oddly at peace about being rejected from the school of my dreams. I was disheartened, but strangely my heart didn’t ache in the way I’d expected.

 

Immediately I brought it to conversation with God: 

“Lord, why didn’t you just tell me that Fulbright wasn’t your plan for me when I asked you about it back in month 3 of the Race before finishing my application? These aren’t the plans you had for me, are they? 

“No, my love. You had to know for yourself,” He responded.

 

And He’s right. I did need to know for myself. If I didn’t finish my application I would have always wondered if I’d been accepted to Fulbright.

 

After reading the rejection email this morning I opened my Bible app. And do you know what the verse of the day was?

 

“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established” Proverbs 16:3

 

OKAY GOD. I see you! And although my own plans may have failed, I’m at peace knowing He is a God of immeasurably more. Last year when He denied my application I found out about the Race just a week later. And I wouldn’t trade this experience for ANYTHING. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. So if God did that for me once, I can only imagine the plans He has for me next. How exciting!

 

I just think back to my personal mission of the Race, which is “to follow Him closely with Hands open” (2 Kings 18:6; Job 11:13)

If my hands are closed and I’m holding onto something I’m not supposed to, then how am I supposed to have my hands open and ready to receive the blessings He has in store for me?

 

The Lord has clearly made my Race Ephesians 3:20

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.”

 

He’s going to do more with my future than I could possibly imagine and He’s already proved that time and time again.

 

So who cares what the world says is success and happiness in life.

 

I’m here to prove them differently.

 

My parents often make the lighthearted comments that they can’t wait for me to come home to reality so I can experience “real life” with a job and bills and all the other things that I’m supposed to do to show the world that I’m a mature, successful adult. Like that’s the only way I can live life to contribute to society.

 

Well screw that.

 

Screw it.

 

I tried that already. I tried to make my own life plans.

I had a full-time job lined up that didn’t work out, but only after six paid internships throughout college and helping open a small business.

I tried to make my own life plans by applying twice to one of the top business schools in Europe through one of the most prestigious awards the U.S. government can give out for education. If you haven’t noticed by now, I’VE TRIED.

I’ve tried to not only do the very thing society and my family has asked of me, but tried to excel in it.

And I’m just damn tired of it. I’m done trying to plan my own future. So if the next person who doesn’t like my response of “it’s whatever God calls me to do,” then they can just take it straight to the Lord because its not their life to live.

I will wait to hear from Him. Ever since I learned I can actually hear the small still whisper of the Lord and discern it from my own voice in my head, it’s changed the way I make decisions. I will wait for Him to tell me where He wants me.

And until then, I’m going to enjoy the present.

Enjoy the now.

Spend time with Him.

Laugh with Him.

Make memories with Him.

Because He’s already got my future planned out, so what am I to worry about? Will it be a 9 to 5 job back at home? If that’s what He wants than I’m perfectly fine with that.

But if God has told me anything about my life since launch of the World Race, it’s that He has different plans for me in mind.

He’s told me me I’m chosen, set aside, appointed and anointed.

All I know is this: I know enough. I know all I need to know to trust in Him and the direction He has for my life. After all that’s what He did for Abraham and King David and many others in the Old Testament. He told them He had big plans for them. He didn’t tell them when or where or how. AND THAT’S THE POINT. He wants us to learn to trust Him. How would we grow in trust if we knew every single step in front of us?

SO I’m going to trust Him and what He’s doing in my life. He is faithful, that much I can promise you. He knows the deepest desires of our hearts. He wants to give us immeasurably, abundantly more. So surrender early and surrender often. You may think you know what’s best for you, but the Lord knows your heart better. After all, He’s the one that gave it to you.

So my plans for myself may always fail. But His plans for me will ALWAYS give me the best life I could ever ask for. It’s risky. It’s not easy. But it’s worth it. He’s worth it.

 

Until tomorrow,

Erica Ann Everett”