I Stopped Talking to My Family

During training camp for the World Race back in June, our squad mentor told us that as she prayed for God to reveal His vision for us, He pointed her to Luke 9:23:

“And he said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'”

Well what is a “daily cross”? I asked myself. 

As the days of training camp passed and I dove into the Word, I came to discover what Jesus meant by carrying your cross.

In Jesus’ day, a cross wasn’t just a symbol of pain and suffering; it was mainly a symbol of death. What Jesus was telling them is that they needed to put to death their own plans and desires, and turn their lives over to Him and do His will every day.

Jesus doesn’t simply call us to believe that He existed or that He came to save us. He calls us to commit our whole lives to Him, to trust in Him alone and to follow Him as a disciple. 

So for me, my cross had to be something that I was holding onto so tightly. Something that might hold me back from surrendering it all to the Lord. If He calls us to put to death our cross, then maybe I needed to put to death a fear that I didn’t realize I had been holding onto my entire life. 

What did I need to put to death in order to follow God more fully and surrender my life to His plans for me?

The fear of leaving my family.

It was clear as day. I love my family so deeply that the thought of ever losing them or leaving them would be the only thing that keeps me from pursuing His will if He called me away from them. 

And I’m not just talking about my immediate family. It’s my whole extended family. My cousins are like brothers and sisters to me. My aunts and uncles are extended parents. My biggest blessing in life is how close my extended family is on both my mom’s side and my dad’s.

“But why would God not want you to enjoy the blessing of a close family?” my dad asked when I told him I wouldn’t be talking to the family in October. 

It’s not that God doesn’t want me to enjoy His blessings. After all, He is the one who hand picked each person in my family and I can honestly say we are close because Christ is at the foundation of it.

God convicted me this month that if He ever called me to live a life away from home, would I chose to stay rather than leave? Would I chose my family over Him?

The team I’m on is called Abundance, which is based off of Ephesians 3:20-21

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us”

What if I did chose family over God? What if He has something planned for me that is far more abundant than I could ever ask or image? Would I be willing to give it all up to follow Him? 

I know this cross goes both ways. As much as it would pain me to leave my family, I know the pain that it would cause them. It’s just as much their cross to carry as it is mine. Would my parents be okay with it if I chose God over a life near them?

This month God asked me not to reach out to my family as an act of obedience. He tests His children to strengthen their trust and faith in Him. God tested Abraham when He told him to kill his only son, Isaac, after Abraham spent decades begging God to give him a child. And though it pained him, Abraham obeyed. He took his only son up on the hill and Isaac carried his own knife and firewood that he was to be burned on. But as Abraham lifted the knife, God called out to Him and told him to stop. He was testing his servant’s obedience. It’s not that God didn’t want him to enjoy the blessings of family. He was testing his obedience to see if Abraham was called to it, would he choose his family over God?

God is asking the same to me. “Erica, would you be willing to give up your family if I asked you to?”

So to my family who is probably reading this, please know that God hasn’t asked me not to talk to you ever again. It’s just one short month. This month is hard as it is working with the refugee crisis here in Greece. But God wants me to turn to Him for comfort and love this month instead of my family. My prayer is that my family will put to death their cross, which is the fear of me leaving far away from home forever. This month will be more than just a month of not talking to each other, but a month of growth in love for one another and of letting go. It’s a month of obedience and appreciation of the blessings the Lord has given us as a family. 

God hasn’t called me to live the rest of my life away from family (at least not at this point). But God has asked me that in the chance that He does, would I be willing to carry that cross?